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Life is a blur

Funny when the misfired photos turn out so pretty :)

It was just a few blinks ago when I was excited about my new life in a small town, largely because I minutes away from my parents.

Can you believe it’s really been more than six months?

In that time, my mom’s cancer has continued to prevail.  My parents moved to Chico to be closer to medical services.  Mom is my hero:  she has fought like a champ.  But her cancer is very aggressive, so much so that she stopped cancer treatments and started hospice last week.

And I’m moving this week to Chico, so that I’ll be minutes away from my parents again.

It wasn’t that long ago, maybe a few more blinks, that my parents took care of me, making sure I was safe, warm, dry, fed.  The taught me to walk and talk.  I was their first kid and their only daughter.

mom and me apr 1964As we grow up, we eventually change places with our parents.  It’s my turn to help dad take care of my mom.  And take care of dad also.  They held my hands as I toddled about, learning to walk.  And now mom carefully and oh so slowly takes exploratory steps from bedroom to living room or kitchen, my arm gently around her shoulders for support.

So I take my own exploratory steps this week, moving to a new future.  I’m moving into a home with a large space for my yarn dyeing and knitting design, making Phydeaux’s future so bright.  But so hard to imagine any future without mom.

Nevertheless, we all have to face futures without our parents:  it’s inescapable.  I hope that I’m able to do so with the grace and courage that I so admire in my mother, my hero, mentor, coach, counselor, role model and best friend.

I wish peace and love for my mother this week.  May your week be filled with the same.

{ 13 comments… add one }
  • madichan February 25, 2013, 8:51 AM

    B, I love this.

    And you’re right: it is inevitable that we will at some point continue life without our parents. But the role reversal from caree to carer can be so fraught emotionally. Still working through this with my parents.

    I’m so sorry about your mom, but I’m certain that she and your dad so appreciate spending this valuable time with you.

    The new space looks amazing, btw. I’m sure the girls are enjoying all the new nooks.

  • heather jane February 25, 2013, 1:35 PM

    Brenda, I am so sorry to hear that your family is going through this. It’s hard, and difficult to understand. Please know that we are thinking of you and sending lots of love and strength.

    Phil and Heather

  • Janet February 25, 2013, 2:09 PM

    Brenda, this is so touching to read. I’m so sorry about your mom. Please know you are in my thoughts — I admire all you’re doing for them and for yourself.

  • fillyjonk February 26, 2013, 11:27 AM

    Peace, love, and grace to you this week and as you go on through this challenging time. Your yarns are so beautiful, I want to order all the colorways!

  • Cat February 26, 2013, 5:00 PM

    A moving and beautiful post Brenda- thinking of you – hugs- Cat

  • sam February 27, 2013, 5:03 AM

    Wishing you a smooth move at this difficult time. I admire you for making these smart life choices to support your family and maximize the time you have together. X

  • Brenda March 2, 2013, 11:23 PM

    I so appreciate your support, wonderful friends. 🙂

  • Sharon March 3, 2013, 3:27 PM

    My mom and I both send our prayers for you, your mom and dad, and brother. We will both need yours when her time draws near. The pain of loss of a parent is so indescribable, Brenda. We are sending you love.

  • Terry/knittinnow March 3, 2013, 5:02 PM

    Hugs, hugs, hugs. I admire your strength and forthrightness in dealing w. these issues. Will keep many positive thoughts for all!

  • Lara March 5, 2013, 6:34 PM

    Much love, Brenda. XO

  • Sue Kennedy March 7, 2013, 10:04 AM

    Dear Brenda,
    Your mother is so blessed to have a lovely , loving daughter as yourself. Take care of her, love her and keep being the daughter you are and also your Dad. As you all go through this difficult journey, know that so many of us out there are in prayer and sending blessing for you and yours.
    Sue K

  • Kepanie March 9, 2013, 11:49 AM

    Brenda, sending you a big, fat, squeezing hug. I am sorry your mum’s cancer is aggressive and you are faced with this. You are a wonderful, loving daughter.

  • brenda March 16, 2013, 10:03 PM

    Thank you all so much for your kind words, love and support. Truly, truly means the world to me. xo

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